


Shoes to Fill

by Maisie_top_trash



Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [45]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Grief, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Mental Illness, New Relationship, OCD, Psychosis, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, discharge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: When the love of your life dies, is it possible to find another?Tyler decides it’s finally time to get his parents’ verdict on his first relationship since Josh, and although he’s confident they’ll like Todd and everything he brings to the table, there’s still something undeniably daunting about introducing them.
Relationships: Tyler Joseph/Original Character
Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [45]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/561244
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Shoes to Fill

**Author's Note:**

> Very minimal potential triggers for:  
> War  
> Loss/death   
> Drug use
> 
> They’re hardly mentioned but better safe than sorry <3

"Are you nervous?"  
"Understatement, why on earth did I let you rope me into doing this?" Todd sighed as his legs bounced in the footwell of Tyler's car.  
"Because you looooveee me?"  
"Dang it, you've got me there."  
"Todd it's gonna be absolutely fine, okay? They're gonna love you because I love you. You make me happy and that's all they've ever wanted for me. It's gonna be fine." Tyler reassured him, then reached across and settled his knee with a caring hand. 

"You've got nothing to worry about."  
"I've got big shoes to fill, what if they don't think I'm as good?"  
"Todd you're different, you're not Josh but that's okay because I lived and loved and lost the relationship I had with him, and now I'm slowly moving past that with you. You're different but that doesn't mean you're worse, and I promise my parents aren't going to be sat there judging and comparing you to him. Please, just try this for me?"  
"Course I'm gonna do it, I'm just,"  
"You're stalling." Tyler laughed. "Come on, stop fretting, let's go in."  
"Fine," he groaned then opened his door at the same as Tyler and they walked round and met behind the car, holding hands then kissing briefly. 

"By the way my parents absolutely hate it when people are late, so we better hurry since I didn't schedule time for you to sulk in the car."  
"I hate you." Todd complained as Tyler teased him, shoving him softly then picking up his hand and walking the short distance to the cafe. Todd held the door open for him without hesitation. 

The restaurant was a regular brunch spot for them but it was the first time with Tyler's parents, in fact it was the first time Todd had met them. After 5 months Tyler could no longer turn down his mother's desperate pleads to meet the mystery boyfriend who had turned his life around, and when Tyler saw her expression he swore she was about to cry. Dad and her were sat at a table in the corner and Tyler raised his free hand in a small wave and grinned proudly.

"Is that them?" Todd whispered as they stood up and waited for the couple to get there.  
"Yeh,"

"Oh there you are baby, good morning," Mom smiled and pulled him into a hug. "And you must be Todd? I'm Kelly."  
"So lovely to finally meet you." Todd replied, kissing each of her cheeks.  
"Chris." Dad shook his hand.  
"Todd Barrick, pleasure sir."  
"Should we sit down?" Tyler suggested once the introductions were over, and Mom nodded and they all settled into chairs. Todd sat next to Ty and his dad, with his mom opposite with a huge smile.

"I have to say Todd, Ty showed me pictures of you two together but you're even more handsome in real life. Your eyes are beautiful."  
"Thank you, they're my mother's."  
"Mom can you stop crushing on my boyfriend please?" Tyler smiled and Todd reached across and held his hand whilst she laughed.  
"Sorry baby, should we order some drinks?"  
"Good idea." Chris agreed, flagging down a waitress. The silence was a little awkward as she took her time coming over to them. Tyler squeezed Todd's hand and flashed him a reassuring smile. 

"Hi, could we get some drinks please?"  
"Of course, what can I getcha?"   
"I'll take a fresh orange juice, Kel?"  
"Ooh sounds good, I'll take one too."  
"And me."  
"And me please." Todd finished off the order.  
"4 fresh OJs coming up." She noted on her pad. "Anything else?"  
"Not yet thank you." Chris dismissed her and she left them in another awkward silence that Tyler knew would be far less funny for his boyfriend. 

"So, Todd, tell me about yourself. What do you do?" Mom asked.  
"I'm a senior corporate financial analyst." He replied to a reception of blank faces. "I work in the city and I write numbers in spreadsheets and sometimes on a whiteboard, and I wear a suit."  
"Ah okay, well that sounds fun?" She lied and Tyler could sense the slight discomfort.   
"Tyler's always had a thing for suits." Dad smirked uncharacteristically.   
"Dad!"  
"He's not wrong though baby, ever since you were a little boy." Mom joined in and Todd raised a playful eyebrow at him. "Todd I'll tell you this, when Tyler was 12 his favourite thing to do was go to the mall and sit-"  
"Mom!"  
"Shh baby, we're bonding over your humiliation."  
"Yeh shh Ty." Todd teased. "You were saying Mrs Joseph?"   
"In the mall there used to be this little boutique place which sold prom and formal outfits, and Tyler always liked to go and sit on the bench opposite the glass store front and watch as the boys came out of the changing rooms in their suits. He’d sit there for hours if we let him, happy as Larry, watching all the boys."   
"Hmmm, very interesting, very interesting." Todd stroked his chin as Tyler jokingly sulked.

"4 fresh OJs, here you are, one for you, here we go, and another." The waitress returned and gave them all their drinks.  
"Thank you,"

"Please, Mrs Joseph, tell me more of Tyler's embarrassing childhood stories."   
"Oh but there's so many to choose from!"  
"You're bullies." Tyler pouted and Todd let go of his hand and ruffled the older's hair, then held his hand again.   
"We have all the time in the world to embarrass Tyler, don't you worry, but how about you and your early days? Don't sound like an Ohio man." Dad said.  
"No sir, born in Nevada and hopped around following my father, he was a marine and then became an operator of Delta Force. Left Nevada when I was 2, went to North Carolina then Florida, then Georgia, Kentucky, Virginia, Oregon, Washington D.C, finally settled back in North Carolina when Dad made Delta Force, then was shipped off to military school in New York."   
"Hartrane Military Academy?"   
"And proud." Todd nodded and Tyler's dad seemed impressed. Admittedly Tyler didn't know very much about different academy reputations, but the smile on Dad's face made him smile too. 

"Our Tyler mentioned you're an Afghan veteran yourself?" Chris said.  
"Yes sir, two tours of Helmand."  
"On behalf of our nation, we appreciate your service."   
"And I appreciate you saying that." Todd nodded and Tyler squeezed his hand.   
"With a dad in Delta Force and an HMA background, did you not fancy following in his footsteps? Lifelong career in the military?" Mom asked, sipping her orange juice.   
"Well there comes a point when the battlefield loses its appeal. I was a corporal and there was an incident in which I lost a good man and close friend, decided to call it a day myself." He told a carefully edited series of events. "Besides, wanted to start a family of my own and a war zone isn't exactly homely."  
"And it's a good job he did because otherwise we never would have met." Tyler smiled, kissing the back of his hand casually.   
"Aw that's sweet baby," Mom cooed. 

"I'm starving, can we order?" Tyler asked and his dad nodded, waving at the waitress again.   
"Hi, can we order please?"  
"Absolutely, what would you like?"  
"Kel darling?" Chris offered for his wife to go first.   
"Can I get a breakfast burrito please,"  
"Course," she jotted it down.   
"Great minds think alike, make that two please." Todd raised his hand a little and she nodded.  
"I'll take a tomato and mushroom omelette please."   
"How about you baby? They've got some boiled eggs and we can ask for bread instead of toast?" Mom turned to Tyler after Dad placed his order.   
"Mom I'm okay, I'm a big boy now, can I have florentine eggs benedict please?"  
"Absolutely, will that be all?"  
"Yes thank you," Chris nodded and she went off to the kitchen again. 

"Sorry darling, some habits I just can't shake off, not used to you being so independent in restaurants." Mom apologised.   
"Don't worry it's okay," he reassured her, and this time Todd was the one squeezing his hand. 

"What were we talking about? Family?" His dad brought them back to the previous conversation. "You've got a kid?"  
"Yeah, a son, William Luca, do you want to see a picture?"  
"Oo I'd love to." Kelly nodded eagerly and Todd let go of Tyler's hand so he could pull his phone out of his pocket. It didn't take long to find a photo since his entire gallery was made up of constant streams of pictures of the little boy. 

"Wow, isn't he handsome Chris?" Mom looked at the phone with a smile then turned for him to see. "How old, 6, 7?"  
"5, he's just tall like his dad." Todd told them proudly.   
"How about Mom, is she around?"  
"Dad," Tyler warned, not thinking it was entirely appropriate to bring her up.   
"No no it's okay, his mom’s French, lives over in Paris, and I've had full custody since he was born. She calls on his birthday or Christmas because they're around the same time of year, but otherwise we're not in touch. It's best that way though, we're all happy."  
"I'm glad you've managed to sort something out that works for all of you." Mom smiled.   
"Thank you."

"So are you one of those bisexuals then?" Dad asked and again Tyler felt they were bordering inappropriate territory.   
"No sir, fully gay, just not a gold star gay like Ty,"  
"Gold star?"  
"I've never been with a woman, this, this is not how I envisioned this brunch going," Tyler laughed a little awkwardly.   
"Well, Todd, I just want you to know that whatever you are, it's cool with us," Dad said, making Tyler cringe in his attempt to reassure him. "Gay, bisexual, whatever, it's all good. Tyler's gay obviously, well not obviously, but you know what I mean, and then Josh was bisexual."

Not even Todd knew how to reply to that, and although Tyler was not entirely comfortable with the mentioning of his deceased husband, he was more concerned with the awkwardness and tension that had fallen over the group. He so desperately wanted his parents to like Todd and for the attention to be on him and their relatively new relationship, rather than comparing it to Tyler's last one. 

Nobody said anything until suddenly his mom stood up abruptly, chair scratching the floor, and rushed away from the table. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone,"  
"Dad it's fine, sorry about this Todd, um, can you just get to know each other for a bit, I need to check she's okay," Tyler stood up too.   
"Don't worry, take your time, your dad and I will be fine,"  
"Yeah, you can tell me more about your HMA days," Dad proposed.   
"Happily." Todd nodded and Tyler smiled appreciatively then headed towards the door that his mother had fled through just a few moments ago.

His first glance up the street to the left was fruitless, but when he looked to the right he saw her crying next to a tree further down the sidewalk. He jogged over to her, protective instincts flaring and heart pounding. 

"Mom?"  
"Sorry baby, sorry,"  
"Mom it's okay,"   
"I like him." She looked up, tears running down her cheeks as she bit her lip. "He's nice, polite, yeah, I like him,"  
"I'm pleased, but that doesn't matter right now; what's wrong?"  
"I miss Josh so m-m-mu-ch!” 

  
“..and being able to provide a stable household, something I’ve never really known, for my son is something I’ve always strived for, so it’s a rewarding feeling for sure.” Todd nodded. 

He liked Mr Joseph, or Chris as he kept insisting he be called, but if he was honest they’d run through all the small talk within 10 minutes and had crept deeper into the deep stuff than he’d been prepared for at brunch, so Todd was secretly willing Tyler would come back with his mom soon. 

“How’s it been introducing Tyler into the mix? He’s not really had that much experience with kids,” Chris asked. “Other than being a school teacher I mean, but that’s different, teaching a 25 minute piano lesson verses raising a child, they’re different worlds really so I can’t help wondering how he’s coping with it all,”   
“I agree completely, but he’s taken to it like a duck to water. William adores him, and I think Ty adores him right back,”

“Kel worries about it a lot, like a lot a lot, it keeps her awake at night every time he stays at yours. She stays up till ridiculous o’clock just sat by the phone, waiting for the call,”  
“Waiting for what call sorry?” Todd frowned.   
“The ‘rescue me’ call,”   
“From Tyler?”   
“Yeah,”  
“Why, why would he need rescuing?”  
“Well, you know, it’s a lot for him to handle,”  
“William?”  
“Everything, sorry Todd, you realise what a big deal this relationship is for him, right?” The father frowned right back at him.   
“I know I’m the only other boyfriend he’s had except Josh, god bless his soul,”  
“Yes, which is a huge deal, Josh was Tyler’s whole world since the moment they met, and losing him, it, it changed everything,”

Todd had respect for his boyfriend’s lost husband, tremendous respect, but again it wasn’t a topic he was envisaging discussing at their first introductions, and it marked the second time the man had been brought up already. 

“And he’s sick, he’s told you that, hasn’t he?”  
“I know about the OCD and psychosis and self harm and all that, yeah, he’s told me,”  
“Don’t say ‘all that’ like the specifics aren’t important, this is my son’s mental health you’re talking about,”  
“Sorry sir, sorry no you’re right, my mistake, I made an error in my phrasing but I hope you can trust that in my heart I meant no offence or disrespect, and yes he’s told me about his diagnoses,”

He had trouble swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“So he’s told you, has he shown you?”   
“His scars? Yeah,”  
“No I mean has he shown you what he gets like? Has he let his guard down, has he let you witness a hard moment, has he allowed you to see him at his most vulnerable?”  
“I, I don’t know.”  
“You’d know if he’d had,” Chris sighed. 

“I myself have been formally diagnosed with PTSD, mental illness isn’t something that scares me-“   
“It should scare you! When you see what it does to my boy, when you watch it tear him apart to the point that he can’t even recognise his own parents sat in front of him and he won’t stop tapping because he thinks his whole family will drop dead if he does and he’s talking to things you can’t see and his arms are more stitches than skin, you should be scared! I’m completely terrified of him getting like that again,”

He felt like they were in dangerous territory where every step he’d take would be the wrong one. He was trapped in a minefield. 

“I’m sorry Mr Joseph, I didn’t mean to offend you or your son; I care about him deeply and I want the best for him too.” 

The older man finished the last of his orange juice and sighed heavily again. 

“No I’m sorry, I, I went a little harsh on you there, I’m sorry. I’m protective of Tyler, for a long time he needed me to be hugely protective, guarding him from everything that was thrown at him, and now it can be hard to dial those protective instincts back,”  
“I understand, it’s okay,”

“I need to remind myself that just because this is a huge deal for our family, him dating, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a huge deal for you. This is monumental for Ty, but I understand that it might just be a bit of fun for you and I shouldn’t be burdening you with the pressure of him being sick,”  
“I get that this is a big deal for him, but it’s a big deal for me too. I’ve dated a lot admittedly, but I’ve only ever introduced one other boyfriend to William in his entire life and that was after a year of dating, and when they didn’t click, I broke up with him the next day. With Tyler, heck, he knew Will before he even knew me and those two have been close since day 1. Just like you, I’m protective of my son and I wouldn’t allow Tyler to become involved in William’s life if I didn’t see a future with him. I’m serious about this, which means you’re right, I need to be serious about his mental health issues,”

“Kelly wants us to have a chat with you, a proper serious sit down to go over the intricate and difficult details of what it means to be invested in Ty. I said the first meeting probably wasn’t the right time but apparently my loud mouth decided to open that can of worms already, so, Todd, if you’re willing, we’d like to have you over to our place sometime to discuss mental health?”  
“Of course, absolutely, I’ll definitely come and learn,” 

“Speaking of my wife, I think I probably ought to go and check on her, you’ll have to excuse me,”  
“Certainly,” Todd smiled as the man stood up and made a move towards the door. 

He sighed a heavy sigh and finished his own orange juice. 

It was fair to say brunch had been a disaster. 

Within seconds of meeting them, Mrs Joseph had run out crying, then whilst trying to make conversation, Mr Joseph had arguably accused him of not caring about Tyler’s mental health. 

Not quite the peaceful meal he’d been hoping for. 

He knew family was everything to Tyler and all he could hope was that the 3 Josephs weren’t stood out front, agreeing that it was time to cut Todd loose. He knew that if his parents didn’t approve, Tyler would really struggle to continue any kind of relationship, and he felt sick with the thought that he might have ruined everything with his clumsy missteps and his inability to be Josh. 

“Babe?” Tyler’s hand on his shoulder prompted Todd to open his eyes. “You okay?”  
“Yeh, uh, how’s your mom? Did I upset her?”   
“Not you personally, she’s um, she’s missing Josh, they were best friends and me moving on is a lot for her to wrap her head around, but it’s nothing personal. You couldn’t be more perfect, and she says she likes you,”  
“Sure,”   
“She does babe, really she does,” Tyler ran his hand through Todd’s hair. 

“I upset your dad as well,”  
“He came out saying the opposite, saying he upset you?”  
“No no, he rightfully told me to have more respect and awareness of your conditions and I couldn’t defend my position,”  
“Jesus Dad, I told him to make small talk!” He groaned, “I’m sorry love, I, I’m sorry,”  
“No don’t apologise, it was just too soon for them, it’s fine, honest,”  
“I, I think they’re going to head home, just so my mom can calm down a bit. We can do brunch another day though, next week maybe?”

“Ty it’s fine, it’s all fine, they didn’t like me, that’s fine, I get it, I’m not who they want me to be and-“  
“Don’t say that,”  
“It’s true, you and I both know they were praying for Josh 2.0 to walk through that door and I’m sorry to disappoint but I’m not him.”  
“Todd don’t say that! You know I love you for you, you know I love you separately and differently from him, you know-“  
“I know your parents wanted Josh and they were disappointed that it was me.”  
“I’m serious! Stop saying that!” Tyler said more sternly and a little too loud for the cafe. “What do I have to say to convince you I want you?”  
“I dunno Ty,”

“Yanno what? I think I’m going to catch a ride with my parents. See you whenever Todd, just try not to sulk too much because actually this isn’t about you. My husband died. My husband died, their son-in-law died, and they’re allowed to miss him, so please, please, don’t try so hard to make this too much about you.” 

“I’ll get it,”  
“If it’s Maurice, say we’ve already spoken to the contractor about changing the fence and they’ll get back to us by Tuesday with a quote,”  
“Alrighty,” Tyler climbed out of the nest of blankets they’d made their home on the couch for the past few hours and straightened out his clothes as he walked to the front door. 

He yawned, then opened it, finding Todd stood there with a bunch of flowers. He’d half been hoping it was him. 

“Hey, um, before you say anything, I want to start off by apologising. It wasn’t my place to put words in you or your parents’ mouths, I shouldn’t have accused you of comparing me to another, and I’m sorry. It stems from my own insecurities about not being able to step up like Josh could, I’m afraid I’m not as good as him, and I projected that fear onto your parents, I’m sorry. I’m gonna work on it, and I also wanna work on everything else I need to in order to be a better boyfriend to you, including but not limited to learning more about mental health. If now’s not a good time, if your parents aren’t ready for me then I completely understand, but I didn’t want either of us to go to bed tonight upset, so here I am,” 

Tyler reached out and took Todd’s hand. 

“I’m sorry too, I was blunt and harsh and honestly too wrapped up in my own brain to remember how significant this morning was for you. I’m sorry I ruined it,”   
“You didn’t ruin it babe,”  
“I feel like I did, and, and I just hope you don’t think badly of my parents because of that,”  
“No! No of course not, I completely understand why they miss Josh and why they’re so protective of you, I understand,”

His boyfriend looked tired and weary, and most prominently sad. Todd looked sad, which was the last thing he’d been expecting when he planned to introduce his parents to the man he loved. 

“Do you want to come in? Is William alright without you?”  
“He’s still at his buddy’s house, he’s okay, so, if you don’t mind, I’d love to come in?”   
“Absolutely, uh, I’ll go tell my folks whilst you slip off your coat?”  
“Course,”  
“Oh and Todd?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Thank you for making the effort to come all this way,” Tyler smiled before briefly kissing him.   
“My pleasure, darling,”

Not wanting to leave him for long, Tyler rushed back to the room where his parents were. 

“Who was it?”  
“It’s Todd, he wants to have another go at meeting you guys; if you don’t feel up to it then I can ask him-“  
“No no, bring him in, I feel plain dreadful about this morning and he seems such a sweet man and I genuinely want to get to know him since he means so much to you, so go ahead, bring him in - that’s alright, isn’t it Chris?”  
“Yeah invite him through,” Dad agreed, much to Tyler’s relief. 

“Sorry, couldn’t help overhearing,” Todd poked his head round the door frame.   
“Come through darling, come here, oh what have you got there?” Mom smiled warmly.   
“Ty told me about what an amazing gardener you are, I was actually admiring your front flowerbeds whilst plucking up the courage to ring the bell, and I toy with gardening too so I hoped you’d appreciate some marigolds I cut from my garden earlier,”  
“They’re gorgeous Todd, wow, is this the French variety?”  
“It’s an Afro-French hybrid seed so yeah, partly, good eye,” he smiled back. 

“Shall I go pop them in the kitchen, and I’ll grab you a drink whilst I’m at it Todd?” Dad stood up, taking the homemade bouquet from him.   
“A water would be wonderful thanks Mr Joseph,”  
“Coming right up,”

“You like to garden then Todd?” Mom was clearly trying hard to build a better rapport than earlier that day.   
“I like doing it but I wouldn’t say I’m any good at it,” he chuckled at himself, “Ty can attest to that, we ate my bumper tomato crop the other day, didn’t we sweetheart?”  
“All 3 tomatoes you produced,” Tyler laughed too. “But hey, you gotta start somewhere,”   
“And it was the perfect number for our little family, one each for us and one for William,”

Mom smiled wide at that. She liked the thought of him having a family beyond them. 

“I have a lot of fun with it though; my buddy down at group, he suggested it as a way to slow my mind down and he was spot on, it’s been brilliant. Other than the mini heart attacks I have every time William goes out to play soccer right next to my giant alliums that is,”

“So you’re an attendee at a group therapy? I ask because mental health is obviously quite a large part of our world,”  
“Yeah, it’s a group for vets, helping with PTSD and reintegration and that kinda thing, and I’ve been going for about 18 months now so not too long but it’s good, validating, yeah; I’ve not quite got my own Dr Wakefield but I can’t complain about good ol’ Steve down at the community hall,”   
“You told him about Charles then baby?”   
“Course, he knows everything,” Tyler nodded, finding Todd’s hand again. 

“I popped them in that blue vase we got for our anniversary,” Dad returned, carrying a glass. “And for you, Todd,”  
“Thank you sir,”  
“What are we talking about?” He sat back down with them.   
“Just getting to know each other a little better, Todd’s a gardener,”  
“You’ll regret telling Kel that once she starts sending you cuttings every day of the week,”  
“I look forward to it,” he chuckled, a little forced. 

“Listen, Todd sweetie, about earlier,”  
“No it’s fine Mrs Joseph, it’s absolutely fine, don’t feel you have to explain yourself to me,”  
“I appreciate you saying that but I’d still like to say something, now I’ve been warned by Ty not to compare you to Josh-“  
“Mom,”  
“Hang on, let me finish, I’ve been told that’s a no-go zone but I think it would be disingenuous for me to dance around the truth. Todd if I sat here and told you I haven’t, at times, compared you then you’d know I’m lying to you, and I want you to be able to trust me to be honest,”

Tyler held his breath as his mom spoke. 

“There’s only been 2 boys in Tyler’s whole life that he’s loved, and the brain automatically, or at least my brain automatically, lines you two up against one another. I know comparisons are something you’re scared of,”  
“I’m not scared, I’m, I’m insecure,” Todd admitted, playing with his watch strap.   
“Which I can totally understand, thank you for telling me, but I want to tell you that you’ve got absolutely nothing to fear when it comes to us. The most important thing in our world is for our children to be happy and safe, something I’m sure you can relate to with your little one, and you’re provided Tyler with those elements that he’s been missing ever since we lost Josh,”  
“Yeah,”

“There are things about you which I wish were closer to Josh, like how I wish you’d been here since the start, and you’d seen how far Tyler’s come, and that you’d fully understand how brave he’s being, but it’s not fair of me to hold any of that against you, so I won’t.”  
“And we were saying earlier that those things will come with time,” Dad added.  
“Yeah, you’ll grow to have history and to see his ups and downs and to appreciate his strength, that will come, and I don’t ever want you to feel inferior or lesser because they’re not here just yet,” 

“Following up perfection is daunting,” Todd’s hushed whisper tugged on Tyler’s heart.   
“Josh wasn’t perfect.” Mom said immediately. “He was my best friend, but my god did that man have a hero complex. He always wanted to solve every problem single handed, he’d rather anything than ask for help to the extent that he actually made some parts of the situation worse, he had no respect for himself so refused to ever take a break or deal with his own issues, he spent far too many hours burying his head in his work, and boy did he like hot showers. If you wanted warm water then you had to fight to get in the bathroom first,” 

Tyler smiled sadly at his mom, who caught his eye. 

“You’re better than him in that sense. I like knowing you went out and got yourself a diagnosis, I like hearing you’re going to group, I like that you confided in Tyler and in us about an insecurity. I like all of that Todd, and as we get to know each other, I know I’ll get to find so many other things I like about you. Similarly there will be strengths that Josh has that maybe you don’t, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be different, we encourage you to be different; who Tyler needed in a partner when he met Josh verses when he met you is different, and different doesn’t mean better or worse, it just means different. We’re not in the market of favourites - this is how I see it, you’re becoming a part of our family, and just like I don’t have a favourite natural born child, I also won’t have a favourite child in law. I love Josh, I will always love Josh, but there’s plenty of room in my heart for you,”

Todd nodded, tucking his lips inside his mouth and biting on them, still nodding, eventually looking away and still nodding. 

“You okay sweetheart?” Mom reached across and touched his knee.   
“Yeh, sorry, yeh, just my, um,” he sighed shakily. “My parents aren’t the most, uh, they don’t, they’re, they’re not the most accepting people and, uh, phew, I guess I haven’t had a mother figure say something so warm to me before?”  
“Oh Todd bless you. I’d love to give you a big hug right now but I’ll respect your boundaries if that’s beyond them,”  
“A hug would be nice,”  
“Get over here,” she beckoned him and Tyler moved out the way so his boyfriend could slip down into her arms, tucking into her embrace so naturally that it wouldn’t be believed they’d only just met. 

“You let my son into your family with William, and now I’m letting you into ours. We’ve got you. Anything you need, any roles I can fill, any chats you want to have, any support you need providing, we’ve got you Todd, okay? Those gaps in what you need verses what you’re receiving from your folks, if Chris or I can do anything to help patch them, we will. Everyone deserves a loving giving nurturing family, and-“  
“And I’ve just found mine,” Todd whispered. 

“That’s box 3 and 4 from the most recent admission, you want the 5th? Or from any other admission?”  
“See if you can find his very first Cygnet admission? They’re white files faded yellow in the green box by the far wall,”  
“I know the ones - there’s 6 or 7 boxes, you want them all?”  
“Just the first and last maybe?”  
“You got it,”  
“You sure you don’t want a hand Chris?” Todd offered.   
“Nope, this is how she keeps me fit,” Dad laughed and returned to the basement to grab more of Tyler’s extensive medical records.

“I’m not expecting you to read them all, don’t worry,”  
“Thank gosh, I went to a military academy, safe to say reading ain’t my strong suit,” Todd made fun of himself. “Have you read them all?”  
“Oh yeah, I’ve read every word in every file, but they didn’t come in great big boxes like this at the time. He’s been in two main hospitals over the years, Cygnet and Campbell, and Cygnet used to send home a thin file a month, and then Campbell were better communicators and sent home summary letters whenever anything happened as well as thorough notes we could collect at the end of his admission, so we didn’t get everything dumped on us at once, it was in more consumable bites,”  
“And I suppose you were eager for news,”  
“Absolutely, I’d pour over every scrap they sent us and chase them up for more. In fact in some of the boxes we might find photocopies I made that I then highlighted and scribbled notes all over so that I could fully comprehend what they were saying and come to meetings armed with questions,”

“Have you read them babe?” Todd looked over to the couch in the corner where Tyler was sat, giving his boyfriend and mother full use of the kitchen table.   
“Uhh, no, it’s a bit too weird for me. I’ve read some stuff, like we used to have these weekly meetings when I was inpatient called ward rounds, and sometimes they’d read documents out to me or give me packets of stuff to read during my week, but no, I’ve never felt like sitting down and sinking my teeth into the full records.”

“Why’s it weird for you baby?” Mom enquired.   
“It’s a full account of my numerous breakdowns, written by someone else. I dunno, it just weirds me out, some parts are like somebody wrote a diary about me, some parts talk about things I don’t remember ever happening, some of it’s embarrassing, and some of it’s just wrong. Like remember that period when the Cygnet therapist thought I had an eating disorder and wrote all those nonsense accusations in his notes? That followed me round the system for months. And smaller scale mistakes like doctors trying to guess what I’m thinking and getting the wrong end of the stick. I dunno, it’s weird,”  
“I completely understand that, but do you agree that it can still be a helpful tool to show Todd a little more about what you’re dealing with?”  
“Yeah no go ahead, there’s still a lot of useful stuff in there for others,“

“I keep telling him Todd, he should write a memoir, that way it can be an accurate but also intimate and personal account of everything he’s endured, and I know people would want to read it,”  
“Who’d want to read it exactly? You, Dad, Dr Wakefield, my old primary nurse Ryan, Zack, and maybe Maddy if the twins ever figure out their sleep schedule, but nobody else,”  
“I’d read it,”  
“Alright I’ll add you to the list, that’s 7, what publisher is ever gonna pick that up?”   
“Sweetheart, it would be a story about struggle and loss and determination and love, I’d say it’s universal,”  
“And you could use a pseudonym and change some of the details to make in anonymous if that feels less vulnerable?” Todd suggested. “You’ve got such a way with words Ty, I’m sure it would be breathtaking,”   
“I dunno, I just, it feels premature to be writing any kind of memoir in my 30s,”  
“You could start it now and continue adding to it and adding to it throughout your life until you feel you’ve reached a natural stopping point? I think we’re all hoping the peaks and troughs are going to calm down now and you’ll find some stability with Todd and little William,” Mom suggested but he didn’t bite. “Just think about it sweetheart, no pressure,” 

“Alright, I’m going on strike until I’ve had my cup of coffee and 10 minutes with my crossword. If you finish all those boxes in that time, I’ll eat my shoes,” Dad returned with the final boxes Mom had requested, dumping them down with a heavy sigh.   
“Thank you love,”  
“Yeh thanks Chris,” Todd echoed her.   
“Don’t mention it,”

“So, those boxes mark Ty’s first ever admission which began when he was 19, almost 20, but we’re actually missing 2 decades worth of records, because he’s struggled with his mental health ever since he was a tiny little boy. When he was-“  
“I, I think I’m gonna go ahead and dip out, this is too weird for me to sit here and listen to,” Tyler went to stand up.   
“No, honey, don’t go already, we want you involved in the process,” Mom said, “it’s strange, I get that, it’s uncomfortable to be talked about, but we agreed it’s in everyone’s best interest that Todd’s informed on the details, right? That way you guys can be a better partnership, and Dad and I can feel more relaxed knowing you’re being taken care of by someone who knows your history,”  
“I’d like to know, only if you’re still okay with it, that is,” his boyfriend agreed, looking up at him hopefully.   
“You can know, I just don’t need to be here, do I?”

“Talk to me baby, what’s so uncomfortable about this?”   
“Everything! It’s weird, I don’t know, it’s too weird, I mean on the one hand I know I’m going to have no recollection or connection to the person I used to be when you talk about him, then on the other I know I’m only a couple of bad days away from slipping straight back to that place. It feels too detached to be relevant but also too close to reality, and maybe that sounds wacko, but I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t want to recognise the person you’re about to describe, but I have to be acutely aware I’m still him.” The short rant burst out of him. 

“Yes, this is you, the person in all these files is you, but the difference between the 19 year old we’re about to read about and the 34 year old in front of me is a wealth of skills that you’ve accumulated which are going to stop you ever regressing this far again. You’ve got a support team behind you, years of therapy, a more stable home base, coping strategies galore. You’re healthier than this, and maybe you don’t like being reminded of how sick you were, but if anything sweetheart it should remind you just how far you’ve come,“  
“Mmm,” he wasn’t convinced by his mother’s argument. 

“If you’re worried about any of this changing the way I feel about you, that’s obsolete,” Todd tried to reassure him.   
“You don’t know that, you don’t know what’s in there,”  
“I know some of it?”  
“You don’t know how bad I was,” Tyler whispered. “If you knew, you wouldn’t still be with me,”  
“You already told me about the morphine and the alcohol, and the stealing, and how worried you made your family all the time. You told me about how lost in the psychosis you got, how you’d run away or you’d hurt people, like that one time where you hit your dad over the head with the ceramic vase and you can’t ever remember why. You told me that weeks ago Ty, and I’m still here.”

Todd stood up too, reaching out until his hands found Tyler’s hips, but Tyler’s hand on his chest stopped them getting any closer. 

“That’s one incident. Those boxes list hundreds, if not thousands of times I’ve done horrible things like that. I’m willing to bet after a page or two, you won’t look at me the same.”  
“Ty, if you’re saying you don’t want me to look then I won’t look, I respect your wishes, but darling I need you to have a little faith in me, okay? I’m not that kind of guy. I know every guy says it, but truly, I’m not the guy who’s going to leave if this gets ugly. I love you, I love you and to me that means loving all sides of you, in sickness and in health, yeah? I’m interested in going through some of this with you and your folks because I feel like it might help me be a better more considerate boyfriend to you, however if what I’m hearing now is you saying no, then absolutely I will drop this and not look at a single page. This isn’t something I want to back you into a corner to do - Mr and Mrs Joseph, with all due respect, I appreciate you want to sit down and talk to me about mental health, but unless Tyler is completely on board, I don’t think I can look through his records. We can have a conversation but I don’t feel comfortable discussing Tyler’s specifics without his agreement, so yeah, that’s all my cards on the table. I love you and I want to do what’s best for you,”

“Chris, you’re gonna hate me for this love, but I think we can put the boxes back away. Safe to say Todd’s passed this round with flying colours by my books. He’s attentive, that’s all this momma’s heart needs to know for now,”

  
“Are you gonna come round again soon?”  
“Yeah, I can do dinner some time next week? I’m staying with Todd on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday,”  
“Wednesday? Or do you need a night to rest?”  
“No no, Wednesday works, see you Wednesday,”  
“See you Wednesday angel, bring Todd if you want, bring Todd and William, I’d love to meet him,” Mom smiled.   
“I’ll run it by them, it’s usually their father-son night but we’ll find a time, definitely,” 

“Ty,” she said just as he took a step towards the door.   
“Yeh?”  
“I like him.”  
“I like him too, Mom,” he couldn’t hide the grin.   
“I think he’s been really good for you already,”  
“He has, he pushes me but only in the best way, and only very gently. He treats me like I’m normal, which, um, which Josh could never quite do because with him I always a little bit sick and he was always in the mindset of being responsible for me. Todd cares about me, but he’s got William to be responsible for, I’m very much his equal, we’re equal partners. Sometimes it involves looking after each other, like he might have to talk me through a panic attack, but I’ll sometimes have to remind him he’s safe and that noise outside was nothing to be scared of, so it goes both ways. I like it,”

“He doesn’t baby you, he trusts that you can stand on your own two feet, which you can, but he’s also aware enough to know that sometimes you might need help, and now hopefully he knows he can reach out to us if that ever happens.”   
“Exactly,” 

“I think he’d be really happy for you, Tyler,”  
“Josh?”  
“Yeh,” Mom reached out her hand and he grabbed onto it, squeezing. “This is what he’d want, you to go out and find happiness,”  
“I don’t think Todd would have been placed so perfectly into my life if Josh didn’t want him here. Josh sent him my way,”  
“Your guardian angel looking out for you, hey love?” Her smile was sad but proud. “Go on, don’t go leaving your blessing to cook in the car too long, go to him, I’ll see you on Wednesday,”  
“I love you Momma,” Tyler pulled her into a hug, kissing her temple.   
“I know you do poppet, I know you do, and I love you right back. Go on, off you pop,”  
“Bye,” he gave her one last smile then walked out of the open front door and down the drive to where Todd was waiting in the driver’s seat of his far too expensive car. 

Tyler climbed in next to him and sighed a happy sigh. 

“Ready to rock and roll?”  
“Ready,” he nodded and so Todd reversed out, his hand on the back of Tyler’s seat as he twisted to look, a bad habit of his. 

“Do you mind if I go straight to pick up William from his buddy’s house? I told him it was only for brunch and even though I’m sure he’s having fun, I’d still like to get him sooner rather than later since it’s ended up being a longer day than we expected. Unless you’re tired and you want me to drop you off at your apartment first?”  
“No no, go get William, absolutely go get William,”  
“Thanks babe, and I didn’t mean to make that sound like I’m expecting you to go back to yours tonight, you’re more than welcome to stay over, I think me and little man are gonna make tacos if you wanna join?”  
“You, William, and tacos, I can’t think of a better way to end my day, yes please,”   
“I wish I could say we need the help to finish those giant family packs of shells we get, but honestly the two of us can polish them off without flinching,” Todd chuckled. 

“That reminds me, Mom’s invited you round for dinner, you and Will,”  
“I take it that means she likes me?” He asked jokingly but Tyler knew he was genuine in his hunger for an answer.   
“She loves you,”  
“You’re not just saying that?”  
“I’m not just saying that, she loves you Todd, she said you’re really good for me and Josh would be so happy I found you, which is basically the biggest compliment you can get out of her, that’s her signature seal of approval, so I think it’s fair to say she likes you,”  
“So I can stick around a while longer?”  
“I gueeesssssss,” 

**Author's Note:**

> I know Todd fics are never that popular but I’m trying to make decisions based on what I want to write, rather than what does well with the numbers. Besides, I thought my Josh/Tyler first kiss fic would go down well and it flopped, soooo what do I know?
> 
> Also I’m posting this before the new single comes out and I’m very excited :D


End file.
